Right Said Fred

"Right" said Fred, "both of us together, one each end and steady as we go".
Tried to to shift it, couldn't even lift it,
We was getting nowhere
And so, we, had a cup of tea....

"Right" said Fred, "give a shout to Charlie", up comes Charlie from the floor below.
After straining, heaving and complaining,
We was getting nowhere
And so, we, had a cup of tea....

Charlie had a think and he thought we ought to take off all the handles
And the things what held the candles, but it did no good,
Well I never thought it would.

"All right" said Fred, "have to take the feet off,
to get them feet off wouldn't take a mo." (moment)
Took its feet off, even with the seat off, should've got us somewhere but no
So Fred said "let's have another cup of tea" and we said "right-o".

"All right" said Fred, "have to take the door off, need more space to shift the so and so."
Had bad twinges taking off the hinges, and it got us nowhere
And so, we, had a cup of tea....

"Right" said Fred, "have to take the wall down, that there wall is going to have to go".
Took the wall down, even with it all down, we was getting nowhere
And so, we, had a cup of tea....

Charlie had a think and and he said "look Fred, I've got a sort of feeling
If we remove the ceiling, with a rope or two we can drop the blighter through".

"All right" said Fred, climbing up a ladder, with his crowbar gave a mighty blow
Was he in trouble, half a ton of rubble, landed on the top of his dome
So Charlie and me had another cup of tea and then we went home.

I said to Charlie "we'll just have to leave it standing on the landing that's all.
You see the trouble with Fred is he's too hasty.
And you never get nowhere if you're too hasty."